from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
