Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
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I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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