I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
