weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
