dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
