I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
