No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
