Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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