its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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