I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The Olympian is in my bed
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
