don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
