I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
