I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
