Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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