I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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