Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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