I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize