Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
