the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
