She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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