if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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