I am puke
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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