I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more