I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.