i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
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Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
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I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.