My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Mom said you looked used
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.