all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
my poor anus
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.