I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
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yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly