White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.