Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.

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(616): View more from Michigan

im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
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(760): View more from California

Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.

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