I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.