Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
