i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
