Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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