I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize