omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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