Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
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ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT