Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.