He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs