In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.