You're my little dorito
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
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I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?