Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago