We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
