wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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