Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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