the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
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I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
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And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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