Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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