Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
