I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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