Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
