I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
