foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
