You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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