We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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