I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
