Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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