you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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