guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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