I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize