I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.