Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.