You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them