My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you inspire me to be a worse person
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My feet surprised me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize