Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
