I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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