Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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